Stars & Music
by hm813
Summary: What is a night sky without stars and music without you.
1. Prologue : Starless Night

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shigatsuwa Kimi no Uso and its characters**

Starless Night

 _The dry air._

 _The smell of dust._

I knew I had to play… I **got** to play… I **promised** to… but I couldn't help but breakdown with my face in my palms when I sat at the piano, remembering her. The susurration from the crowd was there but the noise wasn't registered by me at all. A sudden, yet familiar sneeze broke me out of my daze and made me realize the number of people watching– no, waiting for me to start and take them to my world with **my music** as the focal point.

After realizing this, I started playing, the notes flowing and resonating in me, my transitioning into the zone has never been this smooth. As I continued playing the ballad, I remember the people watching me and how each of their presence in my life affected my music: The sound that my mother gave me, the sound my best friend noticed for me, the sound my closest friend found for me, the sound my rivals forged in competition with me, the sound my junior made with me, the sound my tutor and aunt brought back to me and the sound of the girl that resonates in me. These are the people I play for now, especially **her**. I can't stop myself from hoping against hope that my music will reach her even though she's not in this halland listening to my music but facing a battle of her own. I also find myself wishing that she will be able to play with me again even though in the past, my wishes, hopes and **feelings** regarding this matter rarely came true.

I was so immersed in my playing that when I saw snow falling with the sky all around me instead of the stars of the concert hall above me, I was reminded of my latest visit when she thanked me. At the time, I didn't know what for but before I could ponder about that, she suddenly appeared, as though summoned by the memory of her voice in my ear, wearing the dress I thought she would wear at the public recital she bailed. Seeing her so real in front of me with her violin positioned to play, I felt my heart break because seeing her here was like she had already passed away and was here to keep her promise of one last duet. Her violin was as happy and passionate as always and it made me sad that I would never be able to hear her play live ever again. However, meeting her gaze during the climax and recognising that look of determination to give the audience her best, enabledme to let myself be swept away by her playing style. But suddenly, the sky in the background seemed to turn to night and **she** was playing her violin softer and softer until she came to a stop. My eyes widen in disbelief as the love of my life started to disappear right in front of me. My thoughts were screaming in my head, "Don't go! Pester me again. Call me for no reason again. I don't care if I'm only a secondary character in your life. Please don't go! Don't leave me behind without you!" And she disintegrated into swirl of colours with tears in her eyes before bursting into light, blinding me from everything else.

When I realised that I was looking at the lights on the ceiling of the concert hall, I put the remainder of my **frustrations** , _weariness_ and **_promises_** into my last notes as I said goodbye to her.

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Everything after my performance passed in a blur. The next time I was aware of my surroundings, I was in front of the reception counter at the hospital. The nurse behind the counter, one whom I saw quite often due to my past and current visits, looked at me with pity before telling me where Kaori's parents currently were. I thanked her before rushing to that part of the hospital. When I arrived there, I slowed to a stop,shocked by the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Mizayano crying and taking comfort in each other outside Kaori's operation room. _No, this can't be real_. Feeling all the adrenaline my body run out, I realised that I was still holding on to a small silver of hope that Kaori _did_ make it through her surgery, that my playing did indeed awaken my subconscious fears, not that they had actually came true, that I had truly just played my last duet with her. Slumping down to the floor, I curled into the foetal position, unable to move and not having the courage to share my misery with the Mizayanoes due to the fear of having to hear the words that confirmed that the love of my life, had indeed, passed away. Looking at the hospital's ceiling, I noticed that the lights here,surrounded with white ceiling and walls to better reflect it, is surprisingly dimmer than those in the concert hall. _Ah_ , I thought to myself, _my world is in monotone once again …_

On the walk home that night, I couldn't help but compare the nights spent under this same sky with my friends to the starless one currently above me as I continued the walk all by myself.

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 **A/N: Hey guys. I can't I finally posted my first fanfic ever. This plot has been in my brain for a while so I do have a rough outline which I hope will help me upload constantly. Please R &R as I would like to know what am i doing right as well as how I can improve my writing. Hope you have a wonderful day and thanks a bunch for reading this fic.**


	2. Chapter 1 : Missing You

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shigatsuwa Kimi no Uso and its characters**

Chapter 1: Missing You

It's been a week since the music competition. Turns out that I won that competition, with critics and fans alike stating that this was my best performance to date. The music community was still buzzing about it and it seems like this competition will continue to be a hot topic until the next competition.

Not that I cared. She wasn't here anymore, after all. Hasn't been here for a week and would never be here ever again. All the work I put into performing again seemed pointless now. I can't even remember why I tried so hard. I mean, music has never given me anything despite all the blood, sweat, tears and so much **_more_** parts of me that I put into it and still it takes away those closes to me, as though I've not given enough of myself to it. _No more, I just can't do it anymore_. I feel drained, like there's nothing left for me to give, nothing but this empty husk of a person that I currently am.

I always held Kaori's letter whenever I could but I can't seem to be able to muster the courage to open it. I can guess what it is that she has written. This letter is sure to contain words of encouragement (nagging) to continue playing and performing music with the piano, words to make sure I practice enough to stay on top and get into a music school and words to remind me of the promise to keep on playing even without her here. I'm sure all this presumption of what Kaori's last words are is just my subconscious telling me what I should be doing right now instead of wallowing in my sorrow and self-pity. However, I really don't feel ready to move on; to continue living when she is six feet under.

I went to school as usual, hanged out with Watari and Tsubaki though Tsubaki and I were quite silent with only Watari filling the silence with his chatter which consisted of the latest gossip, rumours and talks about his current conquests. He was the reason I knew how much of a hot topic my last performance was. It was nice to at least listen to Watari, seeing as my other best friend has suddenly stop talking and spending time after school with me. The only thing I couldn't stand was how fast Watari had gotten over Kaori. She liked him and he seemed to like her back and yet he hadn't waited very long after her death before agreeing to go on a date with his latest confessor. It pisses me off every time I hear him talking about this-chan and that-chan that one day, a day on which Tsubaki mysteriously decide to disappear on us, I confronted Watari regarding his behaviour and how disrespectful it was towards Kaori. After hearing me rant, Watari just gave me a soft smile and softly replied, "That's because you love her more than I ever did." Hearing him say that left me stumped. Was I that obvious? But what shocked me more was what he said next, "Besides, she was always more interested in you compared to me." "Ehh… Weren't you the one who said we were going to duke it out?" I couldn't help but exclaim. Watari looked sheepish before he said, "Well, yeah… but don't you remember what I told you after you shared with me that Kaori might not make it and you no longer knew what to say to her?" Seeing my blank stare, he chuckle and then continued, "I said that I don't think I'm the one for Kaori because whenever she wanted her own way or a shoulder to lean on… whenever she wanted somebody to do something for her, she always turned to you, Kousei." I looked away before replying, "She only did those things because I could play the piano." I think I heard Watari mutter something that sounded vaguely like _so dense_ before explaining, "Look, I know that Kaori seemed very enthusiastic whenever she talked to me but honestly, she was only that way when you visited with me. When it's only the two of us though, her enthusiasm was just so fake that I saw through it immediately. Of course, she never said and I never asked, but I knew all she wanted from me was information about you from the way her eyes shined and her smile suddenly lit the entire room whenever your name was mentioned. That's what made me interested to duke it out with you. But I also knew that if you confessed to her and she accepted it, I would've been okay with the outcome because if it's you, I'd be totally cool with it. It really is a shame that she passed away without a word, not even a letter."

And with those few words, I realized that I was the only one out of all my friends that Kaori wrote a goodbye letter to.

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 **A/N : Hey, sorry for the long wait! I had a bit of trouble with the ending of this chapter. Hopefully I'll be able to get the next one out faster. Thanks for all the views and reviews so far. Please continue to favourite, follow and review!**


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